She’s a Blogger Now
Have you seen the Portlandia sketch “She’s making jewelry now”? It’s a brilliant little number that conveys how it feels to watch someone jump from one unfulfilling job to the next until they find a little pocket of creative inertia that allows them joy and a sense of alignment.
So basically, I’m making jewelry now! AKA I’m blogging now….and Holistic Health coaching, and hosting workshops and making breathwork/meditation tracks, and getting certified to teach Pilates, host sound baths, practice Reiki, and facilitate Cacao ceremonies. Do I sound like I’m trying too hard to collect certifications? Because I kinda feel that way too.
It’s a fun day when you realize the perfectionism you told yourself you’ve worked through just shows up as a never ending search for more information- more ways to prove that I’m worthy. If I am armed with more information, I can’t possibly fail or be wrong or feel stuck, right? Keeping myself in perpetual student mode will surely save me from the pitfalls of being a teacher/business owner/entrepreneur , right?
The answer I’m looking for likely doesn’t exist in another piece of paper that prints my name in a fancy script. What I’m truly seeking here, is a foolproof way to be the person I’m meant to in this lifetime without having to just let myself float out there in space with my light fully turned on saying, “Hi! I’ve collected all of this information to help myself feel less shitty and want to live my life and get things that I want! You can work with me if you want! I love you but I don’t need you in order to feel like I’m enough!”
If you find the thing that allows me to feel that way. Let ya girl know and I’ll sign up for that course too!
So anyway, I’m blogging now. Yet another attempt at finding the thing that will capture the complexity of being an existing human with dense layers of emotions and fears and wants and needs and skills. I’ve always loved to write, and I find that putting these thoughts into something tangible that exists outside of my own psyche is the best way for me to feel some relief. So here I go, writing down a lot of things that I don’t want other people to know about me but will feel so much better about when I get the feedback that everyone else is dealing with the same thing. I just have to start with accepting that this may not be the final answer, and that is more than okay.